I just finished watching this incredible TED Talk by Susan David, and honestly, it felt like a warm hug for the soul. You know how sometimes we feel like we have to keep it all together? Like we have to smile and say “I’m fine” even when our world is crumbling?
Well, this video completely flipped that idea on its head. It’s about something called Emotional Agility, and it made me think of you and the conversations we’ve had about stress and life. I wanted to share the key takeaways because they are so gentle and forgiving—exactly what we need right now.
The Problem with “Just Staying Positive”
Susan starts with a beautiful Zulu greeting, “Sawubona,” which means “I see you, and by seeing you, I bring you into being.” It’s such a stark contrast to how we usually treat ourselves.
She talks about the “tyranny of positivity”—this pressure society puts on us to be happy all the time. We label emotions as “good” (joy, excitement) or “bad” (sadness, anger, grief). But she says something profound: Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life.
If we want to love deeply, have a career we care about, or raise a family, we will feel stress and heartbreak. Trying to force positivity when you’re hurting isn’t just ineffective; it’s actually rigid and toxic. It’s okay to drop the “everything is great” act.
Emotions Are Data, Not Directives
This was the part that really clicked for me. Susan explains that our feelings—even the messy, difficult ones—are just data. They are flashing lights pointing toward what we value.
- If you feel guilty, it might mean you value being a good parent or friend.
- If you feel angry at the news, it might mean you value fairness and justice.
The key is that emotions are data, not directives. Just because you feel something doesn’t mean you have to let it drive the car. You can acknowledge the feeling (“I see you”) without letting it control your actions. We own our emotions; they don’t own us.
A Simple Shift: “I Am Noticing…”
Here is a practical trick she shared that I’m going to start using. We often say things like “I am sad” or “I am angry.” When we do that, we define our whole self by that one temporary feeling.
Instead, try saying: “I am noticing that I am feeling sad.”
It sounds small, but it creates a tiny bit of space between you and the feeling. It reminds you that you are the sky, and the emotion is just a cloud passing through. You are big enough to hold it all.
Courage Is Fear Walking
She ends with a story about her father telling her that “courage is fear walking.” Being brave doesn’t mean you aren’t scared. It means you are terrified, but you take the step anyway toward the life you want.
So, my friend, if you’re having a tough week, please don’t punish yourself for not being “positive” enough. Your difficult emotions aren’t a sign of weakness; they are a sign that you are alive and that you care.
Let’s try to be a little more agile with our hearts this week. I see you.