I’ve been thinking about how hard we work to keep everything together. You know that feeling—the need to be strong, to have all the answers, to make sure no one sees the messy parts of our lives? I stumbled upon a talk by Brené Brown called “The Power of Vulnerability,“ and honestly, it felt like she was reading my diary.
It’s one of those videos that changes the way you look at everything—your relationships, your work, and especially how you treat yourself. I wanted to share the heart of it with you because I think it’s a reminder we both desperately need right now: You are enough, just as you are.
The One Thing That Separates Us
Brené started her research wanting to understand connection, because connection is why we’re here. It’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. But very quickly, she ran into a roadblock: Shame.
Shame is that nagging fear of disconnection. It’s the voice that whispers, “I’m not good enough. I’m not thin enough, rich enough, smart enough, or promoted enough.” We all feel it. The only people who don’t feel shame are those incapable of empathy.
But here is the most profound finding from her years of research. She divided people into two groups: those who have a deep sense of love and belonging, and those who struggle for it. She wanted to know what the difference was. Was it their childhood? Their luck? Their bank accounts?
No. There was only one variable. The people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they are worthy of love and belonging.
That’s it. They don’t have better lives; they just believe they are worthy of the one they have. They trust that they are enough.
The Courage to Be Imperfect
Brené calls these people “Whole-Hearted.” When she studied them, she found they shared a few specific qualities. They had the courage to be imperfect. They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first, and then to others. But most importantly, they embraced vulnerability.
They didn’t talk about vulnerability as something comfortable, but they also didn’t see it as a weakness. They saw it as necessary.
They were willing to say “I love you” first. They were willing to invest in relationships that might not work out. They were willing to do something where there were no guarantees. They understood that what made them vulnerable was also exactly what made them beautiful.
You Cannot Selectively Numb
This part hit me the hardest. We live in a vulnerable world, and it’s scary. So, what do we do? We numb. We eat, we drink, we stay busy, we medicate. We try to numb the shame, the fear, and the disappointment.
But Brené discovered a dangerous truth: You cannot selectively numb emotion.
When you numb the “bad” stuff—the grief, the fear, the shame—you also numb the “good” stuff. You numb joy. You numb gratitude. You numb happiness. And then you’re left feeling miserable and looking for meaning, which makes you feel vulnerable again, so you numb some more. It’s a cycle.
To feel joy, we have to be open to feeling pain. To feel connection, we have to be willing to be seen—really, deeply seen.
The Path Home to Yourself
So, where do we go from here? The takeaway isn’t that we need to be perfect. In fact, it’s the exact opposite.
The goal is to let ourselves be seen, imperfections and all. To love with our whole hearts, even when there’s no guarantee of being loved back. To practice gratitude in those moments of terror when we wonder, “Can I be this happy? Is it safe?”
And most of all, the goal is to stop screaming and start listening. To be kinder and gentler to the people around us, and kinder and gentler to ourselves.
I hope you can take a deep breath today and remind yourself of this truth: You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.
You are enough.